Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
