My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
