I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
