dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
