I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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