how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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