Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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