New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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