does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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