I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
