if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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