What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Come on in and take your pants off
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