I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
