I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
