If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
