the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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