ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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