Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
