The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize