I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
