You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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