So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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