She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
