I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
