You just made me feel so damn special
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
