I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
