Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
