that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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