Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
