i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
