She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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