There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
