Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
