Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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