Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
