it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
