A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
In America we eat man semen.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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