I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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