I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize