how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
