Swine flu is the new snow day.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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