don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
