Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
