if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and she was petting her beer can
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
