I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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