i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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