community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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