You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He shit in the fireplace
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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