I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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