Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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