this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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