You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
