he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
