Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
