I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
