Moan for me like Helen Keller
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize