im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
