so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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