There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
