I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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