You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
