Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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