do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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