remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
