I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
