i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
farters have to be the big spoon...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
