my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
