I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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