just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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